You are now at the stage of your life where you wanted to have a fruitful love life. You decided to take action and committed yourself to get to know pleasing men out there. But there’s one problem. You are an introvert and knowing and mingling with strangers (especially men) makes you uneasy, or on some extent, terrified.
I am an introvert and had been in that stage. I am sure that there are also similar ladies out there (like you!) who share the same struggle and wanted to go beyond this to reach their goal… and this is the very reason why I write this post:
1) to acknowledge that what you are going through is normal
2) to inform you that there are people out there who has the same experience and can help you overcome that and
3) to make life easier for you by sharing the “tricks of the trade” of introverts when it comes to dating.
What makes you an introvert? Or are you really an introvert to begin with?
Introversion is a psychological preference from a personality test widely used (MBTI Test). With its opposite extroversion, it is a term used to explain the attitude people use to direct their energy. Thus, it is not about the attitude on dealing with people, rather, it is how a person energizes himself. In this case, introverts draw their energy from his/own self and not with the energy of other people. To give you an idea of how an introvert looks like, here’s an example profile:
“I like getting my energy from dealing with the ideas, pictures, memories, and reactions that are inside my head, in my inner world. I often prefer doing things alone or with one or two people I feel comfortable with. I take time to reflect so that I have a clear idea of what I’ll be doing when I decide to act. Ideas are almost solid things for me. Sometimes I like the idea of something better than the real thing.
That being said, here are the typical preferences of introverts and how they deal with dating… and how you as an introvert can manage this natural tendencies:
1.) “I love to reflect and entertain the idea only in my head – not sharing it often with other human being; Reflecting is what I enjoy and what I do during my spare time”
Introverts often has thoughts that stays and thrives in her inner world. They are often seen alone and thoughtless, but in reality, a lot are going on inside their head. Since they are so used to entertaining the idea in their head, they forget to share it with someone. Or rather, they do not want to share it because of the fear of rejection and being judged with their own thought. This being said, introverts are having a hard time establishing a good conversation on a date. They may be lucky if the person they are dating knows how to handle and initiate great conversation, but more often than not, this is not the case.
And how do we overcome this?
START BY ASKING QUESTION. About current events, movies, your respective families, passion or hobbies.
Asking questions will not require you to share your thoughts instantly. This will make your date share something about him first then from there you can share your thoughts. The fear for rejection and being judged will slowly go away and you’ll know if a topic is interesting from his end. Asking a question will also create a feeling of interest from your end. Your date will feel good since you are creating an impression that you are interested to know him. One good thing about an introvert is being a good listener. So listen to what he is saying and share your own version afterwards. Then ask another question, until you’ll get to a topic that you are both interested and until an endless conversation happen.
2.) “I am more comfortable being alone and staying at home. I can go to places alone and I actually enjoy me-time dates”
Introverts are experts when it comes to inventing reasons to stay at home. Whenever a friend asks her to go out, she’ll pick from her usual “stay at home” reasons that may either be true or not. I think this is the biggest struggle of an introvert – to obligate herself to go out and meet people, all the more if it is a stranger. And what can we do about this?
BE TARGETED. I am not giving a tip that will contradict our very nature of being an introvert. But since we still need to date anyway, one good tip I heard and applied is to be very targeted on who I date. But being selective, I may not need to go out as much plus I make sure that the people I date have “higher acceptance rate”. I know of someone who scores the profile of each date prospect she has then only date those who met the qualifying score. Having a targeted date not only honors are inclination to be by ourselves but also very efficient when it comes to energy and time.
3.) “I prefer to sit in a café and have a chat with someone I know. I don’t want to interact with strangers or be in a venue where I need to get along with so many people”
Introverts’ heads are loud enough with their own thought that they don’t need the presence of other individual… because of fear of rejection or being judged as someone being “different” or out of the league. I think the fear of meeting strangers comes from the mindset that someone has nothing to offer to other person. What is the best way to make this work?
CHANGE YOUR MIND SET. I think it is about time that you think that you are an equally interesting person. When meeting with strangers, it is useful to be in a paradigm that you wanted to know the person rather than think if the person what to know you or not. So in the next opportunity of meeting a stranger, wear your “I want to get to know you” hat and lead an interesting conversation.
Now that you know that you are an introvert, it is time to accept it. It is actually by accepting that you can be liberated from its limitation and take advantage of the wonders of being an introvert in dating.